Fear and Hate Over Rationale and Love

Rational. After three years of studying economics, what I have been trained to understand is that the world is rational. It gets too complex and complicated when it isn’t, making economic/human actions almost impossible to understand and quantify/experiment on. Foolishly, of course, I thought this was a reality and not just an assumption we made.

What we’re also taught is that on a more holistic level, the majority rational will outpace the minority irrational. It’s not only easier to quantify that way, but it is also the glass half full view of the world. So when Brexit started to become a legitimate cause, many of us, including myself, thought that the rational would win over the irrational. It had to. The glass would only be half-full that way. The decision announced two hours ago was the glass half-empty version of it all.

Of course, democracy is democracy. The people of Britain wanted out, and they chose to go that way. But what scares me more is that this isn’t an isolated event. Britain took the step that many other countries will no longer hesitate to take. The so-called European Union ‘empire’ that stood its ground just shy of 23 years is set to crumble.

Blame whatever you may please, but if history and the great depression are any indications, there are only more countries that will swing in support of the extremists and those who perpetuate hate (as we’ve seen in the recent elections cycle), and the result will be a more isolated world.

In this world of rationality, we’re taught to remove human emotion from decisions-rational people don’t use emotions to think. Of course, using that perception, we would all think that countries wouldn’t follow suit – its almost as if we believe that countries aren’t run by people, and that people aren't human beings that are driven by emotion.

An analogy to human behavior would be about perfect right now. Although it would make more sense to stay together, the thought of being alone at this moment sounds just right to many countries. In their sense, they’re tired, battered and bruised. What they don’t want is to keep fighting; they just want to be left alone. Little do they know the power of the group, and how working together has a much better outcome than going mentally insane on your own.

Another issue that alarms me is that fear and hatred might win the election for the leader of the free world over rationale. France also faces a similar situation with extremism and isolationism on the rise, as do Greecd and the Netherlands. So far, I’ve believed that rational people will over-power and win over the people who, at some level, are very rightfully are stricken with fear and hatred.  That people will come to, and the world will continue on an upward trajectory as it had before. As the future unfolds, my vision, along with the vision of millions who stand by me, starts to look like two completely different movies playing at the same time.

Of course, most of what I said are predictions and thoughts. What I fear most is that one day, an innocent child, full of optimism will ask me if I think love trumps fear and hate, and I will have to look this child in the eye, and either break her heart today by telling her the truth, or break it tomorrow, when she learns the truth herself. It sounds cynical that way, and I can try to stay glass-half-full, but the world is turning into a glass half-empty kinda situation. 

20 minutes of action for him, 20 years of nightmares for her

I broke down last night. I broke down when I read the letter Emily Doe, the girl from the Stanford sexual attack case, wrote. After the twelve page tear jerker, I just have a feeling that I need to write something addressing some of the players in the situation, and that even though they probably won't get, but are things that I need to say to get off my chest. 

To Dan Turner: 

You released a statement a few days ago, telling the world how 20 minutes of action ruined your poor boys life. While it is true that he's now a registered sex offender and it is true prison won't be fun, what you have failed to consider how the 20 minutes of action will result in 20 years of therapy for Emily, and if she's lucky, she might one day resume her daily activities of being her goofy old self. You didn't consider how it has effected Emily's sisters life, who is  going through the same things you claim your son is. She too can't eat, can't sleep. She blames herself for this entire thing. 

What disgusts me more is that in your statement, you praise your boy. You tell the world in a statement that he got into Stanford, a place with 4% acceptance rate or that he got the highest GPA on the swim team. How does that justify rape? You go on to mention that he was socially depressed. I'm sorry, when did social depression make it O.K. to rape someone? The answer is never. 

You should be ashamed to call yourself a human. If this were my father I swear I'd've been subject to corporal punishment, banished from the family and he would've adopted Emily as his own. I am ashamed to  be in the species as you. 

To Judge Persky: 

You said in your sentencing that you "understood the devastation the victim suffered". No your honor (I associate you with honor very loosely and only because it's a societal norm, not that I believe you have an ounce of honor in you), you do not understand the devastation one goes through after such an event. You may ATTEMPT to understand it, but unless you've been through it yourself, you do not understand it. 

And since when did it matter that he was an all star athlete? Since when did it matter that because of all of this ordeal "he had to lose a scholarship to Stanford?" Oh no, now his daddy might have to pay tuition 6 months from when he gets out. How sad it must be to live the ugly life. I thought justice was blind. It saw no rich, no poor, no male, no female. I don't care if it were President Obama himself, it's no excuse for you to lessen a sentence, especially if it was rape. I so wish that you lose your next election. If this is what represents one of the most developed countries in the world, then let me tell you, your justice system is no different to India, or Saudi Arabia, where according to people "the justice system is a failure". 

To Emily: 

You are brave. The words you speak, the things you say surprise me. Your outer calamity, way you have responded to your attacker deserves nothing short of the utmost respect. What got the tears rolling was when you say "Your life is not over, you have decades of years ahead to rewrite your story. The world is huge, it is so much bigger than Palo Alto and Stanford, and you will make a space for yourself in it where you can be useful and happy. Right now your name is tainted, so I challenge you to make a new name for yourself, to do something so good for the world, it blows everyone away. You have a brain and a voice and a heart. Use them wisely. You possess immense love from your family. That alone can pull you out of anything. Mine has held me up through all of this. Yours will hold you and you will go on."

I cannot fathom what it takes to wish your attacker a happier life. To hope that he goes on to be happy. If I were in your place, I'd rather have him on his knees, begging for mercy while the gun I aim at his head blows a hole through it. That's all the mercy I have in my heart. I don't have much to say to you but to wish you well. To hope, just like you wished Brock a happier life, that you too go on to lead a happy one too. That you, and your family at some point, can work past this, and you can find your place in the world too. 

To the rest of the world: 

The reason I know much about this case is because of the outburst behind the judges decision, which I understand. But please have the right reasons for the outburst. If it's because the case sets a bad precedence, or if it's to shelter the next victim from such a poor ruling, then go ahead. But, if you're thinking that you'll be serving justice to Emily, know that her justice isn't your justice. 

While she may not forget it, ever, and while she'll still have nightmares about it till the end of time, her justice is to forgive. While the shorter sentence might surprise her, it's not that big of a deal. You see, to forgive, you need someone to ask for an apology, and an apology is all she wants. She wants the person who set her back so far, who changed her family's and those close to her life for worse, to look her in the eye, acknowledge what he has done, and say sorry. So do not fight for her justice. Her justice has nothing to do with a prison sentence. Her justice is to do with two words that a Brock Turner cannot utter. If you can convince him, then her justice is served. Instead, do it for everyone else that comes after, do it for the "girls everywhere". Do it for those who are doubted and dismissed and be there for them. Sentencing one man for another 5 years isn't helping much in the grand scheme of things. Work to sentence the 5000 others that will walk free, or ones yet to come. 

Wars: Losing faith in humanity

Syria. Iraq. Russia. Ukraine. Palestine. Israel. Sudan. Libya. Mali. Whereas to the world they are simply

signs of conflicts and wars, to me they are so much more. To me they are signs of desecration. They are a violent disrespect against humanity, against the concept of simply being a human being. And I sincerely wish it was just the simple reason of people killing each other that got to me, but there is so much more running through my mind every time I see a war going on.

There is no doubt really in my belief that being educated about international situations should be compulsory, but where I draw the line is partial education. People talk about things with so much conviction and so much passion, that you take one picture and run with it. And with the speed of social media’s retaliation to international situations, you form a view almost instantly, and preach it like it was a life or death situation for you. But then you deviate from the path. You start reading up on the subject. You take in both views. And you start realizing that the other side, although still not angels, might not be as bad as you thought, because all you had in your knowledge basket was a one sided story.

One the main things that irks me (and there are a lot of main things that do irk me about wars), is aftermath. By the aftermath I don’t mean the results of what occurs after the war is over, rather what happens three to four weeks into the war. See, the brain is a complex system. When we are faced with bad memories, one of two things happens. Either the brain suppresses the memory, in which case the memory never really forms, or, and the more common in these situations, the brain substitutes the memory. So the memory does form, but the brain then replaces the memory with something happier, something better. Circling back to my point, what happens is that we forget about the war. I bet 90% of the world that was once debating Syria doesn't even know what the current death toll is, or what is happening there. Occasionally a young boy is killed, and everyone is all over social media again, but in five days to a week, he is forgotten again. Everything is forgotten again.

 Now I know that this is an evolutionary advancement and the brains way of combating bad memories, but are we really THAT cynical? Do we seriously treat the deaths of thousands of people as “just another bad memory”? I’m not saying we should halt our lives for the conflicts, but when did we ever anyway? I’m just as guilty as the next person, but shouldn't our concerns extend past a few weeks?

The even more alarming thing that I found out is that the politicians, the same people we blame for everything

wrong with this world, are actually still talking about conflicts that started months ago. They are still holding sessions, still trying to figure things out. So that begs a question, are we worse than politicians?

 This politician talk is perfect for my next point. We say that talking and diplomatic resolutions are the solution to the world’s problem. We say that being civil is the way to go. We actually take pride in the fact that so many situations have been averted and so many lives saved, but do we know that nothing much has changed? In the early 20^th century, wars around the world between 1900-1914 claimed 690,000 lives (minus the Chinese revolution of course). In the same time period of the 21^st century, some 680,000+ (and counting) people have been killed. The difference between the two isn't much, and most probably we have gone over the 690K count. So if we’re still killing each other, what has being “civil” helped us achieve?

Being a ‘civil’ person is also sign of being part of the ‘great 21^st century’. A century in the beginning of which mankind made an alarming number of breakthroughs in technology. Social media was invented, conveniences such as online shopping became more and more accessible, and prices of necessities fell.  But have we noticed the turmoil technology has caused? Whereas before soldiers were put through extensive years of training, endurance and strength, war today requires basic knowledge of computers. People can kill other peoples by the flicker of a switch, just as if they were turning on a machine. Whereas propaganda was flyers and hiding information, it’s now a Facebook post or a Twitter tweet, with zero effort on hiding information. If the fish is taking the bait anyway, why care to season the worm?

The new world has also created another phenomenon I like to call “the power of a whisper and the weakness of a shout”. It seems more and more that we have an increasing number of Archduke Ferdinand’s. Tunisia, Libya, Egypt and Syria were all the power of one man who set fire to himself. The national and international protests, new articles and debates that followed on the topic were meaningless in comparison to what this one man achieved. The three Israeli children that were killed set the scene for around 700 deaths and thousands of injuries, meanwhile protests and international views on both sides have shown no mercy on this war. The whisper was small, but it’s outcome big. The shout was big, but it’s outcome small.

A month ago, I would've posted about the war too.  I would've condemned people too. And soon enough, I would've forgotten too. But I came to a conclusion. It wasn't sides killing people. It wasn't a war between Israelis and Palestinians. It wasn't a war between Syrians and their government. It wasn't the formation of a so called caliphate. It was a war of humans against humans. My beliefs direct me to choose a side, but when I’m not busy dwelling over my beliefs, I always favor humanity. It makes me wonder sometimes. Is it too much to ask from people to be human? What if nationalities didn't exist, would we be better off? If we would, strip me of my nationality now, because before anything, I am a human being. I struggle, I enjoy success and I have emotions. I am like everyone else. I am just like you.

Pic1: background credit: worldterrorismnews.blogspot.com

Pic2: ahagear.com

Forget history and look forward to the mystery.

I hate memories. They suck. They always leave you with something to think about. Old flames, friendships, or just a really horrible day perhaps that you had once upon a time; they stick around in your brain unless you have amnesia or something. The worst part? The good times tend to take the back seat in the memory lane and sad times just love that driver’s seat. Even when it’s a good memory, it looks like when you remember it, it becomes sad automatically. You start remembering the good times and wish you could go back. Maybe I’m just a sad little person, but that’s how it plays out for me.

The main reason I bring this up is because parents’ weekend just passed. Being an international student whose parents live 6163 miles, or 17 hours by flight, I started to remember home. I started to miss my own family. My mums cooking, my siblings’ stupidity or my father trying to teach me all about biology and me trying to act like I understand. 

I started to remember all the good old days that I spent with my friends where we mucked about in the streets, or hung out in the malls yelling at each other for no reason. I remember the day where we decided to run down the school hallway because we were seniors and didn't have a care in the world. It wasn't long before I started depressing myself even more. I remembered the people I loved the most. I remembered how far apart we were. University had become our lives very fast, and although we promised each other to stay in touch, life was just way too busy.

It took me a while, but it hit me a couple of hours later. What was I doing? I decided to move away from home, I decided to take this step to better my future and it was I who begged my parents to study at Bentley, so why was I sitting there being sad? I had a new life here. I was 23 minutes away from Boston, one of the greatest cities in the world, and I was sitting in a corner in the library being sad. I had a whole bunch of friends who were bursting with energy not knowing where to release it; I didn't have a reason to be sad.

Think of it as if you were travelling from a town to the city. You start off slow. You enjoy the scenery, you have that cheese that the farmer just made from fresh milk and you lay under the stars that light up the night sky. After a while the town comes to an end, and you hit the highway. It’s a different place. It’s a different flow of people and a different flow of traffic. If you keep on looking back at the town, you’ll crash sooner or later. One or two glimpses ever now and then won’t hurt, but if that’s where your attention is, you’ll be a goner. Instead look forward. Look towards that new life. Soon you’ll be on your way to make a whole new set of memories with a whole new set of people you don’t know. Life’s going to be different, but that doesn't mean it’s a bad different.

Now about the bad memories. Forget them. Yesterday is gone. We can’t change what happened, so why are we dwelling over it? Why are we giving something so much importance when we can’t do anything about it? Take all of your bad memories, stuff them into a bag, and throw them into that train that’s just leaving the station. You’ll feel relieved. You’ll feel free. You’ll feel happy.

The point I’m trying to make here is that don’t be too stuck in the past that you forget to enjoy your present and your future with it. But be happy. Enjoy life as it comes to you. It’s fine to feel homesick from time to time, but living in a hut in the middle of the jungle won’t help you progress in the real world. Move out. You have the world at your feet. You have everything. Life’s amazing. Take it into your own hands. Make a new memory. In fact make so many that you can’t even remember half of them. Forget the past because it just isn’t worth worrying your pretty little mind over it. Instead, let go of it. Yesterday is history. Instead save your energy for the mysterious future. It’s going to be awesome. 

The black hole: an emptiness inside my heart

You know when something shatters you? Gets deep inside your heart and just rips it out of its place? Do you know the feeling when you just want to give up and let go, because you just don’t have the strength to go on? I don’t know about you, but from time to time, I get that feeling.

I don’t know what it is, or where it comes from, but sometimes I wake up and there’s a hollow, empty feeling inside. It’s like I’m missing an organ, or there’s nothing where my heart was supposed to be. Maybe I’m missing someone, or I’m just somehow incomplete, I honestly could not tell. From time to time I’ve contemplated, I’ve thought about it and tried to decipher it, but with no such luck to get to an end result. 

It’s not only feeling hollow and empty that gets to me. Sometimes that hollowness decides to really go for it, and couples up with loneliness. I could be surrounded by a million friends yet still feel emptier than the Grand Canyon. I feel like there’s no one by my side, and I’d have to fight life alone. From time to time, I have to put my feelings aside and just smile; I can’t share these feelings with anyone. I have to keep it to myself, or people will just think I’m crazy or really sad. And although it might not be a vaccine, acting crazy and wild does act as a temporary medication, until of course, the feelings hit again.

When being crazy isn’t an option, and times like that come, it’s usually just me and my music, in a cold night out, looking at the city lights glimmer in a far distance. The soft music coupled with noises from the street as people go about in their hustle bustle really soothes me. I let the songs drain away my sorrow, as if they were building a deep crevasse where all the sorrow collected and was disposed of. Time then heals the emptiness and reconstructs happiness pipelines inside me for the time being. And sometimes, just sometimes, when it gets too hard and too dark to handle, I feel like jumping off a bridge will put an end to it. But then I think, what's life worth if I succumb to a feeling? What's life worth if loneliness gets to me? What were all the fights up till now worth, if I am just going to give it all away in a second.

  

I haven’t looked into why this happens or researched it in anyway; maybe I’m just afraid that if I come to know more about the reality of the matter I might get to know something that I don’t want to know. Sometimes I feel like I know what it is, and perhaps that research will affirm my thoughts and feelings, and by that given affirmation, I will no longer be subject to imagination. I would no longer be able to avoid the topic by thinking about different possible scenarios of my emptiness and hollowness. And if that affirmation comes through, I will live in fear of what I believe is the cause of this hollowness, and knowing that belief will slowly feed on what happiness I have left till I’m nothing but dark inside. I do not of course wish to disclose what my subconscious has to say, but sometimes I believe what it says.

I thought all along that I was one of a kind, or at

 least one in a million. Alas, where would I find one of the other 7000 people that felt the same way? As it turns out, this is more common than I thought it would be. And I think that those who have faced some hardship to end up in this position help others because they do not wish for others what befalls on them. They strive for other people’s happiness because they are incapable of bringing happiness to themselves sometimes. I also believe that those are the strongest of people, and sometimes even the freest of them all, because they have in some way learnt to deal with it and let the dark forces over take them. Although from time to time they succumb to these dark forces, they overcome them and are victorious. And although I might not be one of the elite few I’ve praised, but I pray that no one has to endure the same fate that some of us have to, I hope that you never feel alone, I wish you nothing but happiness and content.

The child inside me

I lay on my mother bed, my head buried into her arm and my knees tucked, and I made a baby noise and in her ear I said "mama!" like a little kid. Of course my mother got annoyed and therefore I was up for one of her legendary slaps. But it didn't really matter, because I was still going to keep on doing it.

Like or it not, some of us are still children trapped in adults bodies. There is a part of our childhood that we still hang on to. I still go crazy when I see balloons, I still eat with a small spoon, and I know for a fact that toy story 3 was watched mostly by older people who lived through toy stories 1 and 2. The reasons for this might vary from person to person, but I like to believe that there is a single straightforward reason to it. We hang onto a much better time.

We have seen those pictures that remind us of how simple and easy it was being a kid. Our biggest concern of the day was should I use the play in the sand or on the swing? Sadly, time flies, and the complexity of decisions gets bigger as the moments we call years pass. Its no longer how I should have fun, or at least its not just limited to that. Now it's "What do I want to be in my life?" or "What do I need to study?" or "Where do I need to study?", and of course there are a million other questions that we strive every single day looking for their answers.

There have been cases were people have actually grown up, perhaps even at a very young age, but I highly doubt there were like most of us. Pampered, given high quality treatment and seen as royal princes and princesses. I think that those who grow up fast, or rather grow up really, are those who faced a harsh time in their younger years as children, and their only escape was to become adults and grow up. Their childhood was in fact the worse part of their life, be it abusive parents, bad living conditions or being bullied at school, these people grow up and actually become adults because they have a reason to change. We on the other hand have no need to, because for us, those were the golden years.

Don't get me wrong, I have a sense of reality and I have a deep knowledge of the different forms of art, be it being a doctor, a businessman or a lawyer, and if someone were to slam a million dollars in my face, I would know what to do with them and I'd deal with them like a mature adult. I'd put on a suit, go to an investment firm, or a real estate firm and invest the money somewhere where it benefited me in both worlds, todays and tomorrows. I know how to make key decisions about my life, educationally and otherwise. There are very few decisions that my parents take for me, I'd like to think I have the mentality to think for myself.

There was a saying I once read that said "we never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public", and I can take an oath to verify that claim. Many of us don't grow up, we really do just learn how to act in public. We learn how be formal, we learn etiquette, we learn how to act based upon the surroundings that we in, but we don't grow up. Growing up is when I guess everything we learned becomes a fixed part of us and actually can be seen in our personality and these qualities define who we are. Even the most grown up people sometimes act stupid and do silly things.

Hanging onto our childhood makes some of feel safe and secure, and others feel like they have no care in this world. Some people do it becomes it makes them smile and reminds them that happiness does exist if we dig deep into ourselves, whatever the reason be, I can say that I don't want to grow up. I have learnt how my surroundings entails me to act, and I'm happy stopping at that. I'm happy that there is still a child trapped inside me because I know that whenever I feel low or I feel like having fun, I can bring out the child in me and not have a care in this world and just enjoy what I have, even for a moment. I'm happy that life won't wrap me up like a little hamburger and eat me, because I've doused myself with the salt of childhood. 

Are we puppets of mass education?

There has been a question that I've been pondering for quite a while now, and it has to do a little bit with my last post about starting out at a young age to accomplish something earlier on in life. It kept bugging me that why all of a sudden people have slowed down the pace in trying to reach the hilltop. What had changed since the past few centuries? Was it to do with our diet? My mind went to the most absurd places trying to understand why, and I think I finally have an answer. We have become puppets of mass education. 

Everyday we wake up to go to school, trudging out of our beds as we heave towards the door to get to school. Once we get there, its lesson, break, lesson, break, lesson, break and so on and so forth. Has anyone else realised that we've just become machines? We repeat similar routines day in day out, the ability for us to think has been virtually sucked out of us. There is no adventure, its a series of steps that just keep on going in a loop. By the time we're 15-16, so much life has been sucked out and we've been trained so well to follow the routine, we just basically close our eyes and follow. 

I was once on 9gag (admittedly not the perfect place for seriousness) and I found a post that described something that I thought was really worth sharing. A group of scientists placed 5 monkeys in a cage, and in the middle a ladder with a banana on top. Every time a monkey climbed the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water. After a while, every time a monkey goes up a ladder, the others beat up the one that climbed the ladder. After sometime, no monkey went up regardless of temptation. The scientists then replaced one of the monkeys. The new monkeys first instinct was to climb the ladder, and instantly he got beat up. After a while the new member knew never to climb the ladder, but he never knew why. Soon one by one the monkeys were replaced and the same happened to every new member; they tried to climb and they got beaten up. Soon all the monkeys were replaced, and every time a new monkey tired climbing the ladder, he got beat up even though no cold showers were being given. If the monkeys could be asked why they beat the new monkey up, the response would've been, 'we have no idea, this is how things are done around here'.  

If we can see closely, we're literally become these monkeys. We go to school everyday, but we have no idea why. Lets not fool ourselves with the excuse of education, that can be done at home too. Before schools ever came up, the world lived on home education and it was fine. And lets ask ourselves, what skill do we have that we've learnt in school? How to give tests? Or how to stay up all night to shove some information into your brain that you'll eventually come to hate and completely forget in a couple of weeks? The biggest of people such as Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Agatha Christie, Florence Nightingale and thousands more famous people were home-schooled, yet they reached amazing heights. 

As if that was not enough, there are many celebrities who'd rather home-school their children, and I think they'll agree with my factory analogy of the situation. Jimmy Wales in fact, the creator of Wikipedia, himself was stated saying that he is "disappointed by the 'factory nature' of...education." Wales is happy letting his daughter be taught at home. He's happy in following tradition, a tradition that was changed to a perpendicular track in the past 200 years or so. 

Maybe factory products is what the world leaders want. People with bulls*hit drilled into their brains so bad that they will literally be attracted to and absorbed by anything as long as its given to them on a silver platter. And lets again fool ourselves that education shapes futures. Look at Bill Gates, look at Steve Jobs, look at Mark Zuckerberg. Although they were college dropouts, they still are some of the richest people in the world. Infact, the college dropout billionaires amass a grand total standing at $246 billion dollars. If you want to argue that they attended college, then take a look a at business mogul Richard Branson, take a look at the richest man in Spain Amancio Ortega (valued at $31 billion). Research infact states that 20% of all American millionaires never attended college, and that college drop outs have a higher average than those that completed their degrees. 

Day in day out I started to believe what John Taylor Gatto said about education (he inspired this piece: http://www.wesjones.com/gatto1.htm) and how its more to do with mass consumerism than education, and how we're just puppets in a much larger game. Maybe we're not all cutout to be world leader and billionaires, and maybe just maybe we need to be controlled like puppets to get somewhere in life, but people, wake up and take the reins of your life into your own hands for once, the person who's holding the reins now will let go at some point, and it would just be foolish if you never learnt how to ride the horse and fell right off...